A Flashback of Childhood...

---Her love for cooking is out of this world, Her cooking is nothing you would find in a cookbook nor on the internet, Its truly homemade from the heart. Its out of this world amazing!

---She is always willing to pass down her recipes but you would have to learn to just toss in whatever it is and taste tell you think its right. As long as you got the main ingredients you will eventually learn after umpteen tries of making it for it to taste good. There are really never any measurements unless it comes to baking. To me that just means you are a talented chef.

--- Her tender caring love towards each of her grandchildren means more than words can express.

--- She's never more than a call away and will always give you a shoulder to cry on, words of advice, and always a good chuckle.

---Her house was always clean beyond what it should be but extremely cozy and full of love.

---She is always up to play anyone is good game of cards. Whatever game you would like to play count grandma P in. Doesn't matter if its four corner kings or Candyland she will be more than happy to join in.

---She had amazing stash of Barbies that were always a lot of fun to play with. They were old and new and everything in-between. She owned all the bells, whistles, and gadgets to the dream barbie house.

---Never would we leave hungry after a visit or stay with grandma. She sure would fill us with her amazing food, homemade goodies, and sweets. It was completely divine.

As I stumbled over words to name my favorite night time snack, I only thought it would be perfect to name it after the one who taught me how to make it. The lovely lady would never allow us to pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave and call it a snack made in heaven. Oh No! She had to make sure we had it from the good ol' kernel right over the stove. With the real melted butter drizzled over the top and sprinkled with salt for some extra flavor. To be honest no on can make popcorn as perfect as her. Never seems to fail she can always put the right amount of butter and salt on without ruining any of the flavors by overpowering it. How does she do I don't know, but I seem to pretend that I can do it the same way.

And to me it brings back those memories of childhood when all the cousins would curl up in front of the wood fire place and watch disney movies all night. Or better yet spending a rainy afternoon inside watching Ma and Pa Kettle with a big bowl of popcorn. The belly laughs, chuckles, and giggles would give grandma pure joy as she rocked in her rocking chair. She would find complete bliss in our little voices that she often times fell asleep.

My grandma P means so much to me and the bowl of popcorn brought me back to childhood memories at the farm. The backyard swinging under the shaded tree tops with the summer breeze blowing our hair. The moments where you stop everything and just be a sliver in the universe of time where nothing else matters but what's going on in your little mind. And last night i simply made that bowl of popcorn for me. Because when I'm lost or overwhelmed or sinking into that place where I forget what really matters, it brings me back to childhood.

And somewhere, inside of each and everyone of us, there is childhood. Where are imagination runs wild, free spirits soar, and time is non-existent. Where bare feet run on prickly grass and where your never to old to throw a few summersaults and kart wheels in your day. Where your hair is in a loose ponytail and your clothes are stained with your afternoon lunch. Last night took me too childhood again and it brought me happiness and excitement in my bones.

Relaxing Day...

Today was busy, simple, but yet relaxing and peaceful. I went to my early morning classes and was home by one in the afternoon. So, instead of just bumming around and watching television or studying for that matter. I decided to make some banana bread and while the kitchen was a mess and the dishes were already dirty, I also made some delicious cookies. Along with my afternoon in the kitchen, I washed up all my dirty clothes, my bed sheets, jackets and snowboarding gear. After I had started these projects I also decided to clean out my car and wipe down the dash. Whew, after a day like that I felt I deserved a evening on the couch with a big bowl of the good ol' fashion stove top popcorn and the Olympics.

Fresh Popcorn
Ol' Fashion Popcorn

Grandma Pawlowski's Popcorn 

1/4 to 1/2 Cup of Popcorn Kernels (Orville Redenbachers Kernels)

2-3 Tbsp Orvielle Redenbachers Popping Oil 

Pop in a normal kettle with a lid on medium heat (about 5 to 6) and shake often OR buy 

a stovetop popper that works pretty slick. I'll have to 

admit its easier then the normal kettle, but whatever 

works best for you.

You pop it until the popping comes to the bare minimum 

Take it off, put it in your favorite popcorn bowl,

and top it off with your choice of toppings 

(mine are Sea Salt and Melted Butter)

and ENJOY!

Living in the moment...

We have all had that day were we could just fast forward to see what the future holds for us. A day were we won't have to sit  and wait for a test score, entrance letter, or even a simple letter in the mail. You didn't have to wait for a diagnosis, X-rays, or test results. Were we didn't have to wait and hear the yelling, hitting, or slapping. Didn't have to face the fear of loosing a loved one, the word cancer, or sitting at a funeral service. Or waiting for fresh food, clean water, and shelter. Many of you have never had to experience a few of these, but there is always someone out there that is or has. We just wish that we could pass a few years in our life, so the struggles of that minute, day, or year were behind us. Wouldn't that be the perfect world? A day you didn't have to see the struggles you are facing at the moment. A day were you didn't have to see the needles, tubes, wires, and machines hooked up to your loved one. A day were you could push a button and have those moments quickly pushed behind you so you didn't feel your heart hurting. That heavy weight pushing down on your shoulders and weighing down your spirits was quickly passed in seconds instead of days, months, and years.

How nice does that sound? How beautiful would that be? As beautiful as it sounds it would make each and everyone weaker. We grow from instances good and bad that happen everyday in of our lives. From things like doing bad on a test, to a medical ER visit, to loosing a loved one. Many of us have faced experiences that were worrisome, devastating, and tragic. We have all been on our knees praying for a miracle and each time we are on our dirty knees praying for that miracle it makes us stronger. If we didn't live through moments like these we wouldn't be who we are today. Passing time to the future would, yes make life easier, but we would loose our sense of compassionate caring towards other people. We would forget about living in the moment and only want to know more about our future. We would forget to care, love, and be happy. Those carefree moments of each and everyday would be lost in the dust. Our giggles, laughs, and smiles would be lost in the past, and we would never be satisfied to live in the moment. You may not be able to see which entrance exam has the right words for you, you may not be able to see how your future unfolds for you, or how and when your dreams and wishes will  come true, but living in the moment is the way god intended us to live. He wanted us to live each day with sixty seconds in a minute, so we wouldn't forgot about the small things in life. Each and every small thing has a big meaning and without them life would be simply boring. So, these small minutes that sometime take hours to go by are a meaning to life to slow down and think about what you are doing at that particular moment.

Life has thrown me some curve balls. I have received letters upon letters from schools that are disappointing, I have had to wait for lab results and X-rays that are bad news, and I have gone through devastating news of loosing a loved one. However, from each and every one of those experiences in life I have learned to live in the moment. You may not receive the best news, you may not be in the best situation, you may hurting, but each moment in life has a purpose, and from those purposes you learn, and become the person you are today!
And with that I leave you with a very thoughtful poem that puts my post in simple terms...

Moments

Recognize each moment for what it is; Special

For each moment happens only once

No moment, good or bad, will be exactly like the one before it or the one after it

So breathe deep every breath

Examine closely with fully open eyes

Feel each and every experience with every cell of your body

For then and only then will you truly be living

And isn’t living what this life is all about?

Giving Up Something For Lent...

Well looks like that time of year again to give up something you absolutely love and can live without. Well I try to challenge myself this time of the year to see if I can really do it. Last few years I have chosen signle item things like ice cream, candy, gum, pop, cereal, and other delicious treats that are irrestistable to me. I have struggled with everyone of them to make it 40 days without having them, but this year I decided to challenge myself a tad more. I choose two items this year and that way I can't fall back on something to fight my sugar craving.. Drumroll please.......

POP

 

AND

 

CANDY!!!!

For anyone who knows me quite well this is going to be the ultimate torture for this girl! So throughout these forty days and forty nights if I could give me some boosters every now and then that would be AWESOME! The other things I thought about giving up were coffee and fast food because those would also be extreamly hard for me to do, but with eight a.m. class I didn't think giving up coffee would be a good idea. :) Maybe next year. What did you give up for lent this year? Is it going to be challenging for you? Please let me know by leaving a comment! :)

Dedication to my parents...

                            

There is two people in my life that mean the world to me. The have been behind every movement, crawl, and step in my life. They witnessed the first cry, smile, giggle, and word.  The wished upon stars with me, sang little songs with me just to hear my voice, they prayed my good-night prayers, and always kissed me goodnight. They bought me books upon books to read at night; however, as I picked out my favorite book they would began reciting it from memory for the 100th time and read it like it was the first time. The enthusiasm behind every word would never get old, and I would again ask for it to be read one more time. As they tucked me in each and every night they were never forget to leave the hall light on, so I wouldn't get scared if I awoke in the night. They understood how painful every fall was on my boney knees and elbows and never were embarrassed to kiss my boo boo's in public. For every tear my tear ducts shed was filled with multiple kisses to help my little pain go away. There was never a year that would go by and my birthday was forgotten, each and everyone was celebrated with family and friends. They guided me through life and were behind every dream that was wished upon. They didn't care that I wore my red cowboy boots with pink shorts and a bright purple Barney top. What they understood was I wanted some independence and wanted to dress myself. Nor did they care that there was a little dirt on my clothes, skin, or shorts. They understood the importance of why I wanted to run around the yard without a shirt on because my best friend Tyler was doing it. They knew the simple things in life like some dirt on the knees, candy on the cheeks, or milk mustache on the upper lip wasn't going to make me a different person. They understood the importance of what a kid should experience in a lifetime.

As I grew up running around the yard topless wasn't an option anymore; however, those little things turned into playing football, hunting gophers, squirrels, and rabbits, fishing in the river, and riding horse. As my best friend Tyler and I would track mud up to the cement slab, take off our muddy boats, leave a disastrous mess, and knew we would be listening to a lecture on mud once again at lunchtime. Do you think we listened the first time? Nope, we turned around and did it again. Not because we disobeyed our lecture. Nope. But because we were kids, we loved every minute of being in the mud down at the river, catching frogs for fishing, shooting squirrels, and the thrill of racing each other to the cement slab for lunchtime. By the time we got to the cement slab we were to hungry to even remember the lecture we had just yesterday.

As the years grew on and there is no longer mud on the cement slabs from us, no longer mud boots in the garage, no longer our muddy fishing poles laying in the grass, or divots in the grass from tackling each other from football. The guns are hung on the wall, the BB's are put on the shelf, and the gopher traps are placed in a bucket on the garage floor. The years of childhood are over and the real life has begun and those two people in my life turn to three people that mean the world to me. Those three people are my amazing parents and my one and only brother Tyler.

Thanks Mom and Dad for an amazing childhood and all the pictures and memories you captured during those years.

Songs have so much meaning...

I'm sure many of you have a favorite song that you love to jam out to in the car to make trips go by faster. Or a song that touches your heart and makes you remember someone. Or when one of your favorite songs come on the radio it can brighten your day. Or a song that reminds you of your first date, first kiss, wedding, and more. Songs have that special way of touching your heart and makes you feel comforted that your not alone. The lyrics make you feel that you can relate to the song, and sometimes sends you tears of joy, happiness, sadness, or even laughter. Everyone has that song that can comfort them after a stressful day no matter what style it can be. It could be rock, hip hop, or even country. Whatever it is music has a way of communicating with us in a way thats sort of indescribable. It's truly amazing how a two to five minute song can touch someone so deep, right? 

Well the songs that I have chosen for my sidebar are just those type of songs for me. There songs that give me strength, comfort, support, love, and more. I could be stressed to the max, overwhelmed over little things, frazzled to the point my hair is falling out, undone, exhausted, and my tank running on empty; however, when I sit down at my computer and play these songs they bring me down to a comfortable state of mind. I lay in my bed or bath tub and relax and listen to the words, and they help me realize that life is to short to be living at the end of your rope all the time. You need to live your life to the fullest, don't get me wrong life does throw some nasty no fun things your way, but there will always be that song that can brighten you up. 

One day I felt like I was stuck in the middle of the mountain, I couldn't clim anymore. I was feeling tired and exhausted from a busy day of school. I couldn't come to terms with just my blog's playlist, so I decided to play some music off Pandora on my phone and take a relaxing bath. Well just as I was getting comfortable in the hot steamy bubble bath this song came on the playlist and I fell in love with it. It helped me realize to keep pushing myself to that finish line and encouraging me to never let go or give up. I would like to share it with you. (Please pause my playlist on the sidebar its located underneath the serenity prayer) 

On a Cold February Night...

I was on my way to the movies on a cold February night, when I received a phone call from my mom to come home. Her voice was shaking, her words were stern, and sounded like she had been crying. To be honest I had no idea what to think, other that I whipped my car around and speeded to home. My mind was racing on all the possibilities that it could be. I was just home, how could something happen so quick? She wasn't crying when I was home, what could be wrong. Did she get hurt? At the same time i was thinking something was wrong with my brother, grandparents, dad... 

As I pulled into my driveway I noticed a few vehicles that weren't ours. I was scared, nervous, and felt my heart sink. As I quickly tore my seat belt off, opened the door, and sprinted to my house I could see people gathering in the kitchen hugging my mom. At that moment I thought to myself do I really want to go inside? I stood and stared at the hurting faces and realized what has life thrown at us now. Before I even new what was going on i knew it was bad. You could see it with every hug, every tear, every move and most of all everyones expressions. I walked into the house and noticed tears, tired and hurtful eyes, and Kleenex's in their hands. The mood was still and everyone stared at me with those glazed over crying eyes and my mom walked over sobbing and hugged me so tight and told me...

Joshua (my cousin) was in a bad snowmobiling accident and passed away instantly. The tried to save him but his injuries were to far advanced and there was no hope. He was with a group of his buddies along the Heartland trail in Walker, MN. Josh lost control of his snowmobile on a trial and crashed it into a tree. He was lodged into the trees and snapped his neck and was killed instantly. As his friends panically ran to a nearby house to call 911, he was already in gods hands. God is taking care of our Joshua and he is in safe place. The tears flooded my eyes, down my checks, and I sobbed into my mothers arms. She held me close, as I used her shoulder to cry on, and thought to myself I have never felt so much pain in my heart than the news of my cousins death...

As the days, weeks, months, and years went on the pain of his death is still there, but time has healed my heart to move on. I was full of hate towards the man up above. Why did this happen to our family? Why did he pick us for this to happen to? Why another family member?  Rightfully so anyone would be asking these question and full of hate. If everything happens for a reason why did you have to take a man out of this world so young? My heart was hurting. My mind was full of questions. And most of all I missed my cousin dearly. It still hurts and will always hurt, and as I write this post the tears are rolling down my cheeks and splashing on the keyboard. But we need to remember the good times we had with him, the laughs, the giggles, the smiles, the jokes and the memories. Those are the things that can pull you back from this dreaded and saddened day. The day where were found out it was his last day on earth. But most of all we need to remember that he is in a better place. We will never forget you Josh and how amazing you were. The quote that is on his grave says it better than I can explain...

"Miss you with a tear, We'll remember

you with a smile."

(12/9/78 - 02/10/06)

If you missed his birthday post you can click here.

Saying goodbyes...

"Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave behind that's tough."

Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile and I apologize. I know my mom has bugged me a few times on why I haven't been keeping it updated. So i'll give you a little run down of why. Lately, school has been pushing the exams and quizzes on me like no other. On top of hitting the books at night, I have been spending some quality time up in Duluth. I spend my weekends fishing, snowboarding, playing hockey, and socializing with my friends. So that brings me to an important post about my feelings...

This past two weekends I have been up in Duluth. Spending time up there feels good, its like reuniting with my family that I haven't seen in awhile. Although, when I leave on Sundays I feel that feeling of missing someone. You know that feeling that tugs a little on the inside of you, that feeling that makes you want to stay a little longer, or the feeling that makes you simply stay an extra day because you can. Driving back on Sundays or Mondays makes me think about the good things in life and how amazing my friends are.

"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

Well, those feelings are just a way of telling myself that I miss Duluth. I miss my friends, my family, my social life, but most of all I miss my best friend Amanda. We come to the conclusion that we simply can't live apart. Even two and a half hours is way to far to be away from her. Many things have come up these past few weeks and we simply needed each other to be there for each other. Simple things like shopping for clothes, groceries, and shoes becomes a chore because I don't have my side kick to help out. Lets just keep it simple and we did everything together, and things just aren't the same.  My friends are like my family up there, and I'm sure many of you have had that close relationship with someone before. But, its not just her that I'm super close with, but also her loving boyfriend, Andy. Andy and I can talk for hours about anything and everything. He is like a big brother who I can beat up on, give and receive crap from, but also a great friend to chat with about life. I miss them both dearly and can't wait to be closer to them next year.

"Life wouldn't be the same without you and all the memories you have given me."

So that drive home that I was talking about also makes me think about that you only live once, so don't hold back, and do whatever it takes to be successful. This move has made me feel good about myself, and that I will do whatever it takes to make my dream come true!